Taking Control of Yourself

Submitted by Anonymous

A couple months ago, I woke up in my dorm room, opened my phone, and read the news that someone I knew from my high school had passed away. My brother’s text to me lingered in my head for a while, and honestly, I didn’t know how to process it. Between problem sets, finals looming, and all the other responsibilities I had, I didn’t think I could afford the time to process the pain. So I let it be, and I let it sit.

This classmate and I were friends – not tight friends but close enough where we would say hi and have a conversation about our day in passing. People suddenly relaxed when they talked to him, making their days feel a little lighter. There was a normalcy to his positive attitude and moments where you could imagine he might’ve not been having the best day, but he still took the time to help out anyone he talked to.

Two days later, while I fried my brain to a problem set until 4 in the morning, it suddenly happened. I felt so drained and empty, and I knew this was because I let my pain fester. There was no outlet for me, and more importantly, no time for me to form my outlet. With this realization, I called my mom, who was asleep in a different time zone, not there in front of me to talk to, but over cell towers and satellites, I finally had someone to talk to about this. I opened up about this to people close to me at school who were older and had more experience, and they were receptive, understanding, and incredibly helpful. Only if I had done this a few days earlier, maybe I could’ve managed my pain better.

It’s important to know when mental health becomes a priority and when it remains a term that institutions throw around to pride themselves with. Where was the time to focus on myself when I had mountains of pressure on me from my problem sets, the responsibilities others gave me, or anything else? I wish I knew how to help myself sooner, and I wish I knew that I could afford the time to process my pain – my valid pain. Take your emotions in your hands before they take you in theirs.